Overcoming Comparison and Envy

Oh boy, is this a topic for the ages! The other day, I found myself mindlessly scrolling through my Instagram feed, and before I knew it, I had fallen deep into a spiral of comparison. I couldn't stop consuming—images, ideas, posts—and my mind started racing with thoughts on how I could improve myself: cook a better dinner, buy a cooler pair of pants, or even be a better Christian. What began as innocent inspiration quickly morphed into an overwhelming sense of inadequacy. All of this, of course, starts with comparison, and underneath it all is a subtle seed of self-pity. As Trevin Wax, a writer for The Gospel Coalition, puts it, “Self-pity slides into envy, because looking at others with an envious eye feeds the self-pitiful spirit.” Once you're trapped in this cycle, it feels like everyone around you has something better—success, beauty, happiness—leaving you with nothing but a hollow sense of longing.

Psychology Today describes envy as, “the poignant feeling of discontent or covetousness in the face of another's advantages, achievements, or possessions.” They also note that envy is a much stronger motivator than simple greed. It’s not just about wanting more—it’s about wanting more than others. When we allow comparison and envy to rule our hearts, we don’t just wish for better things; we desire to outshine those around us, feeding a sense of rivalry and dissatisfaction that can be hard to escape. The truth is, this toxic pattern of comparison and envy has been a part of human nature for generations, and the Bible offers us many stories that highlight its destructive power. Be sure to read the full Scriptures readings listed below, but I have provided a small summary of each one.

• Cain and Abel (Genesis 25:19-34, 27:1-45)
  • When God asked two brothers, Cain and Abel, to bring their best offerings to Him, both brothers brought their gifts. However, God was pleased with Abel’s offering, but He did not accept Cain’s. This caused Cain to start comparing his effort to his brother’s, and over time, resentment began to build up inside him. Instead of turning to God with his feelings, Cain let his anger grow. His jealousy and bitterness toward Abel led him to commit a terrible act—he killed his brother. But rather than seeking God’s guidance or forgiveness, Cain chose to let his anger control him.
• Rachel and Leah (Genesis 29-30)
  • Rachel and Leah were two sisters who found themselves constantly comparing their lives to each other. Leah was married to Jacob, but Jacob loved Rachel deeply, and that caused Leah to feel envious of the affection he gave to her sister. Meanwhile, Rachel struggled with infertility and couldn’t have children, which was something she desperately desired. On the other hand, Leah was able to have many children with Jacob, and this made Rachel feel envious of her sister’s fertility. Both women struggled with their own insecurities and made idols out of the things they longed for. Leah idolized the idea of being loved by Jacob in the way Rachel was, while Rachel made having children the ultimate goal, hoping it would win Jacob’s love. Instead of turning to God with their pain, they each focused on what they couldn’t change, allowing their desires to consume them.
• Peter (John 21)
  • Peter’s story is much like our own struggles with comparison, but God shows us that a heart after God’s own will always find grace, even in moments of doubt. In John 21:19-22, Peter found himself sitting next to the resurrected Jesus. Peter was on fire for being close to Him after Jesus had defeated death, yet Peter still found himself questioning God’s plan. When he saw the path laid out for another man, he became jealous and wondered if God had a better plan for them. He asked, “What about this man?” This moment shows Peter’s struggle with comparing his life to others, believing that the life God had given him wasn’t as exciting or fulfilling as the lives of those around him. Jesus’ response— “…What is that to you?”—reminds us that it’s not about comparing ourselves to others. If we’re focusing on someone else’s path, we’re letting our hearts become distracted from the unique purpose God has for us.

C.S. Lewis once said, “Human history is the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy.” This quote perfectly captures the root of comparison and envy—the belief that something or someone else holds the key to our happiness and fulfillment. We often look to others' lives, their success, or their possessions, hoping they will bring us the contentment we long for. But in doing so, we lose sight of the one true source of lasting joy: God.

Here Are Some Tips to Overcome Comparison and Envy:

Know Your Identity in Christ
When you realize that your identity is found only in Christ, it changes everything. It’s not found in the clothes you wear, the things in your home, or even what others call you. Your identity is in the King. When we recognize this, it also reminds us of the end we deserve because of our sin. We become aware of the gravity of our salvation and sanctification in Christ. Materialism is fleeting and temporary, but Jesus is forever.

Practice Gratitude
When you look at the things around you and truly notice how precious and beautiful the life God has given you is, you begin to feel content with what you have. You don’t need the shoes that influencer has, the bigger paycheck your coworker makes, or even the lifestyle your friend lives. When we don’t get what we want, we often get upset and throw a little tantrum about it. Yes, those may be desires and wants, but they aren’t needs. Many of our “needs” aren’t aligned with what God has planned for us. Jesus has a greater plan. Jesus has a greater purpose for us. Look around you, practice gratitude, and thank God for providing you with what you need in this season.

Ask God to Remove It
When feelings of comparison or envy arise, confess them to God. Confession is a release to the One who can handle it all. Even if it’s just a small moment of envy, confess it. The enemy wants you to hold onto it and make an idol of the desire to have something better. When something becomes an idol, like what happened with Rachel and Leah, ask God to take it away. Ask Him to tear down the idol you’ve created and replace it with Himself. If He calls you to remove it, do it. Delete social media, put your credit card in the safe, or simply sit with God and have a heart-to-heart about the feelings you’re experiencing.

Reframe Social Comparisons and Celebrate Achievements
Recognizing envy is a huge step. Now, what’s the next right step? One thing to work on is reframing social comparisons. Are you viewing the comparison as competition or as inspiration? Is someone’s workout routine inspiring you to develop your own, or is it a tool the devil uses to foster self-deprecation? Another way to reframe this is by celebrating the differences between you and others. Don’t view being different as a negative thing—celebrate it! Jesus made us all unique. For example, a woman in my small group has a greater sense of hospitality than I do. I don’t need to be jealous of her gift; I can thank God for giving her that talent. I have the gift of cooking a delicious meal, so next time we gather, maybe she’ll host, and I’ll bring a bountiful feast! Instead of pitting our differences against each other, we should be encouraged to use them as a team to serve and love others, just as Jesus did.

Comparison and envy are self-destructive forces that steal our joy and distract us from the mission God has called us to live. As Proverbs 14:30 says, "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." When we focus on what others have or the paths they walk, we miss the opportunity to fully embrace the life God has given us and to pour out His love to those around us. Galatians 6:4 reminds us, “Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else.” By overcoming comparison and envy, we are free to celebrate in Christ and live alongside others with a heart full of gratitude and love. Let’s remember that our purpose isn’t to compete with the world, but to reflect the love and grace of Jesus in everything we do.